come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
