Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
