dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
