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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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