Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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