my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Do vagina's smell?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
