Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
