My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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