Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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