8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
