the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize