I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
