I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
