He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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