Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
