So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
