SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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