Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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