Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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