I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
