forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
