How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
