He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
