is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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