It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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