Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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