Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
