Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
