I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
