Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
