yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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