I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
