i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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