He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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