i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
