everyone is single if you try hard enough
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
