whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
