I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
