I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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