I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
