I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
