What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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