They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
