So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
