she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
