Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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