i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
