I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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