Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
