My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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