i just had sex bonerless
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize