even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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