I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
