I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
