I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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