I want to stick my p in your. b.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize