I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
