Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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