After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
