I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
