I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
