Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize