i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
