I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
