i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
