Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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