I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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