So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
