It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
