Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
