Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize