I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
