My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize