Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
