meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize