This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
