So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
