Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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