The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
