We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
