So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize