i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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