Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
