I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
