ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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