So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
