He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
