You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
