I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
