Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
