So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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