just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
