Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
