CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i wish my penis had a tongue
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
