There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
