Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
