Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
