i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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