I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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