would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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