On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
