Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
